I typically don’t look forward to the new year. To me, it has always felt like any other night. As I look back, in my mind, it was because, for some reason, I have never felt that I had anything to look forward to. Nothing to really be excited about. I know, kind of sad. But something happened last night. I caught myself feeling excited. Motivated for what is to come. Excited that I have something to look forward to – the next step.
I embarked on a journey a while back. At first, I had no idea what was going on or that it was even a journey. What I did know or somewhat understood, was that in my heart, I wanted to break a cycle. What was this cycle? I did not even know myself. All I knew is that something needed to give, something had to change and I needed to begin with myself.
Fast forward 8 years and here I am. I have learned. I have seen. I have accepted. I have rejected. I have observed. I have absorbed. I have experimented. I have had breakthroughs. I have had set backs. I have made mistakes. It is hard. It is challenging. It is eye opening. It hurts. It feels good. But no matter what, I pushed through. I kept going. Digging deeper. Hoping and knowing that at some point, it was all going to be worth it.
It is time. I feel it. In my heart. In my mind. I am ready. For the next step. To put into practice what I have worked so hard for. For this phase of my life. Everything that I have lived through has lead me to here. To now. I feel prepared. I feel determined.
I am not going to lie – I am scared, freaked out really. The difference? I know that this fear is what paralyzed me and kept me stuck. The difference? I now understand that it is OK to be scared. It is OK to self doubt. It is part of the process. The difference? I will use this fear to my advantage. The difference? This fear will now be part of what is driving me.
And that is what’s so exciting!
I trust me. I believe in me. I got this.